No one is harder on us than we are on ourselves. We can also be the most unforgiving. Sometimes this is a good thing. It drives us towards success, but when it’s taken to extremes, our need for perfection and unrelenting attitude can push us towards unhealthy, and even dangerous, mindsets and behaviors.
Author Lisa Whalen’s memoir, Stable Weight: A Memoir of Hunger, Horses, and Hope, illustrates this extreme version of controlling, harmful behavior and how she was able to take her persistent attitude and steer herself into a healthier mindset, both inside and out. Below is my review of Stable Weight along with an interview with Whalen about her candid memoir.
Stable Weight plot summary
Stable Weight chronicles Lisa Whalen’s struggles with a decades long eating disorder which lands her in a psych ward at age 29. Her disorder was brought on by a perfectionist mindset, low self-esteem, and a catastrophic breakup with her first love.
In her recovery, she turns to horseback riding, an intimidating but refreshing change of pace that requires imperfection in order to master. The 10 horses that she rides each teach her something new about how to perceive her past, present, and future in terms of the individual ways that they require her to casually ride, train, and compete with them. They inadvertently become the therapy she needs to find her voice, regain control in a healthy way, and take risks outside of her comfort zone.
The narration
Whalen’s book is told out of order, flip flopping between past and present. She focuses mainly on her experience with the horses, drawing out her narration in thick detail. Being unfamiliar with the world of horseback riding, I sometimes had trouble following these sections and the philosophies, training methods, and maneuvers associated with the sport. However, the important thing to pick up on was how those experiences bled into her recovery. By taking control of these horses, she learned to take herself more seriously and how to assert herself as a human being and not just a rider.
The most fascinating parts of the book for me were the sections where she laid out the mindset and routine behind her eating disorder. Anorexia has a tendency to come off as a disorder motivated by the desire to be thin. While this plays into Whalen’s motivations, it’s not the root cause of her disorder. Instead, it plays into her need for perfection and fear of rejection.
Her book is the first I’ve read that really shows the mental dedication that it takes to maintain this disorder. She has her share of “slip-up” binges, hunger pains, and stalled weight loss despite her restrictive food intake and disciplined exercise routine. She’s not out of touch with reality. Instead, she fights against it.
Personality
Whalen describes herself as a timid introvert, a personality type that I can relate to. As a shy kid, you’re forever being told that you will change as you grow up. And I can attest to that. But change rarely comes quickly or dramatically. It takes life experience and sometimes a few wrong turns or unexpected events to activate that change. It’s also a self-realization and can’t be pushed or even coaxed out of you.
Personality changes come from putting the pieces together, taking small but significant chances, and years of pushing yourself in order to make progress. It was nice to see this process unfold in Whalen’s memoir. It made change and progress feel tangible in a slow, realistic way.
My recommendation
I recommend this book to those who love horses, young girls who may be struggling with adolescence and may turn to self-destructive behaviors to deal with this tough era, and readers in general who may be suffering from low self esteem and the ability to assert themselves. Introverts find their largest voice in print, and Whalen uses hers not only to heal herself but to act as a voice for anyone who is struggling with themselves and haven’t found their figurative stable weight.
Author Interview with Lisa Whalen
About the Author and Book
Author name: Lisa Whalen
Author Links
Book Title: Stable Weight: A Memoir of Hunger, Horses, and Hope
Genre: memoir
Book Summary
A lifetime of trying to be perfect lands Lisa Whalen in the psych ward at age 29. Eating-disorder treatment sets her on a path toward health, but her progress stalls until she meets 10 special horses. They teach her to face her fears, trust her intuition, live in the moment, and love her body. A story of resilience, empowerment, and the transformative power of human-animal bonds, Stable Weight illustrates that what matters isn’t whether we fall, but that we rise.
Book excerpt
At Christmas Camp, Liz interrupted my attempts to pick ice from Smitty’s hooves.
“If he’s too much for you, I’ll put you on a different horse tomorrow, OK?”
I nodded, but my chest filled with muddied emotions: resentment that Liz assumed I wasn’t up to the challenge, worry she might be right, determination to prove her wrong, and excitement about riding Smitty for the first time.
I’d registered for Christmas Camp to reclaim affection for the holiday. I’d once loved its crisp cold and pine-needle scent, colored lights and strangers’ smiles, but it was complicated by my best holiday at 16, and my worst at 17. Neither the season nor I had been the same since. I hoped, as I ran a brush over the scar on Smitty’s rear leg, that spending December 22-24 with horses would change my attitude. Riding Smitty would help. It was hard not to smile in his presence.
Liz and Tom had gotten Smitty for free when his owner couldn’t find a buyer. His gangly build made him clumsy, and his history as an “only child” made him awkward. He didn’t know herd rules, so he bungled overtures to his new family. The herd’s lowest-ranking members shunned him; its highest-ranking members roughed him up.
Then Penny, a mare who didn’t like anyone, took a shine to Smitty. We riders laughed when she neighed like a giggling school girl every time he passed. Penny’s big crush and small size belied her fierceness. No one crossed her, as evident from her hide’s lack of bite and kick marks. Her infatuation worked like a Mafioso’s vouching for a new pledge to la familia. By the time her unrequited love ran its course, Smitty had slotted himself into the herd. Then he’d surprised everyone with his talent for jumping.
Review excerpts
“Stable Weight is a beautiful description of courage and persistence . . . a testament to finding hope in connection and strength in relying on that connection.” -Jilian Lampert, Ph.D., M.P.H., R.D., L.D., F.A.E.D., Chief Strategy Officer for The Emily Program
“Whalen’s melodic prose [brings] fresh insight into the connectivity between seemingly unlike things. [She] tells the truth about falling away and sparking back to life again . . .” -Barrie Jean Borich, author of Apocalypse, Darling and Body Geographic; editor of Slag Glass City
“Stable Weight illustrates the way horses mirror our own emotions, helping us to overcome trauma, become more mindful, and live in the present.” -Tom & Liz McCadden, owners and trainers of Seventh Farm Riding School
“. . . a how-to of female self-empowerment. Whalen has a deep understanding of what can paralyze us as women, yet how, with help from the equine fleet of foot, we can soar.” -Leanne Zainer, literature professor and horse trainer
“This is a moving, lyrical memoir of heart and determination.” -Gail Folkins, award-winning author of Light in the Trees
“Stable Weight is intimate and touching. Lisa Whalen’s voice is lyrical and honest, poetic and poignant…Women everywhere will relate to the issues Lisa faces, such as body image and low self-esteem. Further, they will be inspired to search for their own path toward healing.” -Marni Freedman, Co-founder and Programming Director for The San Diego Writers Festival; Programming Director for the San Diego Memoir Association (SDMA); author of the award-winning Amazon bestseller Permission to Roar
Talking Shop
What do you want readers to take away from your books?
I hope they feel inspired to value health over body-image and learn strategies for treating themselves kindly. It took me a long time and a lot of work to recognize that I wasn’t doing either of those things. I continue working on both every day. It helps me to think of them as practices rather than goals or accomplishments. A meditation class I took gave me a new understanding of practice. Practice isn’t a means to perfection but something I do regularly and consciously, allowing for mistakes and setbacks. What I used to consider setbacks I now see as a normal part of practice and an opportunity to learn.
What is a fun or strange source of inspiration that ended up in your book?
The Isuzu Amigo I drove for 20 years. It was a great vehicle, the first one I bought myself (that wasn’t a hand-me-down from my parents). I’d still be driving it if road salt hadn’t rusted a crucial joint in the frame, making it unsafe to drive. I couldn’t repair the problem or replace the Amigo because Isuzu stopped making non-commercial vehicles (and parts) in 2009. Though I rarely get attached to material objects, I cried when I dropped the Amigo off at the junkyard. Because I’d driven it for half of my life, it kept cropping up in passages I wrote for my book. Then, out of nowhere, it became the linchpin for a scene that resolved an important conflict in the story. I love that my favorite vehicle is memorialized that way.
How long have you considered yourself a writer? Did you have any formal training, or is it something you learned as you went?
I completed a Master’s degree in creative and critical writing and have taught college classes for years, but for a long time, I didn’t consider myself a writer. I struggled with Imposter Syndrome even after some of my essays were published. What I find interesting is that when I began writing my book, I didn’t know if I’d finish or publish it, but learning to think of myself as a writer helped my writing process. It was as if I needed to give myself permission to do what I’d dreamed of doing since childhood. Once I had permission, my writing took off.
What were your expectations for writing and publishing your first book? Have they changed since then?
I knew writing a book wouldn’t be easy, but I didn’t realize how difficult it would be to get published. Pitching and promoting a book required understanding industries I knew nothing about. The learning curve was steep, but once I got started, I enjoyed researching and studying. I attended a couple of conferences that were helpful, but some of the best information came from searching online and applying what I learned.
Did you consult with any professionals or people who lived through a particular event to help you craft your story?
Yes. I’m fortunate to work with writers in my day job teaching at a college. We help each other by commiserating, giving encouragement, and sharing ideas. A couple of colleagues I consider friends reviewed early drafts of my book. I also joined a writing group to get support and constructive criticism from readers who didn’t know me until I applied to join the group. As an amateur rider who didn’t start interacting with horses until her mid-30s, I consulted professional horse trainers at the school where I took riding lessons, a friend who is a lifelong horse owner and self-taught rider, and a rescue organization that rehabilitates abused or neglected horses.
What is your most stereotypical writer trait? Your least stereotypical?
My most stereotypical writer trait is being an introvert. On the Meyers-Briggs Personality Indicator, I’m an INFJ, which is the least common type, so at least I can claim a unique niche while I fulfill a stereotype.
My least stereotypical writer trait is that I get ideas and work out problems in a manuscript while I’m jogging or vacuuming my house. There’s something about the boring, repetitive, and rhythmic nature of both activities that frees my mind and spurs unconventional thinking.
“What If” Scenarios
If your book ever becomes a movie and you get final say over the cast, which actors would you hire to play your characters?
What a fun question! Kristin Kreuk would play me. I identify with her portrayal of Lana Lang on Smallville, and there are similarities between Lang’s life and mine. Kreuk has a quiet, understated way of acting that matches how I see myself moving through the world.
Ironically, I’d hire Collin Firth to play the character named Collin who was my first boyfriend. I hadn’t thought of anyone specific when I chose “Collin” as a pseudonym, but Collin Firth came to mind immediately when I considered the cast for this question. Firth would need to be in his teens for the role, but he has the right look and the ability to play characters who are vulnerable and conflicted even though they come across as being an outgoing, laidback guy who is everyone’s go-to friend.
Dakota Fanning could play my sister, Julie, as a child and an adult. They both have impish smiles and hints of depth beneath bubbly friendliness.
Dan Aykroyd would play my dad. Dad was a big fan of Saturday Night Live and the Blues Brothers. Both men are stern and fatherly one minute, goofy entertainers the next. Their silly, self-deprecating humor and reluctance to get a laugh at someone else’s expense is eerily identical. And they look alike, too!
Francis McDormand would play my Mom, Pat. They look alike. Plus, both are soft, deep, and have a dry sense of humor while presenting as archetypal Midwestern women: disciplined, dignified, and modest. Both can be steely when needed but prefer to be gentle.
Anthony Hopkins would play my grandpa. He has the right blend of sternness and charm.
If you could have one person that you admire, living or dead, read your book, who would it be?
I’d choose my teenage self so she could see that life gets so much better than it was at that time. I’d want her to know that she’ll go on to do things, like earn a Ph.D., become a professor, and jump fences on horseback, that she never thought within reach.
A wealthy reader buys 100 copies of your book and tells you to hand them out to anyone you wish. Who do you give them to?
Hollywood producers and directors so they would consider making it a movie or TV show! I’d also give some to libraries, schools, and homeless shelters because literacy is crucial to personal development and economic success. Narratives help us develop empathy; they increase our understanding of others, ourselves, and the world. I want everyone to have a chance to love reading, whether as an escape, a tool for self-development, or a means to personal fulfillment.
You’re offered a contract to rewrite your book in another genre. Which genre do you choose and why?
I want to write a novel. I’ve always been intimidated by fiction. I’m still convinced I need someone’s approval to make things up and that I don’t have the skill to make those things believable. I admire novelists’ ability to create real people and voices from thin air. I’d also like to be able to compress narrative and master word-choice like short story writers do. They are geniuses at making the ordinary unique and creating experimental forms that boggle my mind.
Your book becomes a best seller. What do you do next?
Become a full-time writer! I like teaching and am fortunate to get paid for something I enjoy, but writing books was my childhood dream. I also like public speaking and would love to travel to schools and other organizations to talk about writing, mental health, horses, and human-animal bonds.
I’d adopt a rescued horse and buy property similar to the place where I take riding lessons so I could ride indoors or outdoors any time I wanted.
Your story gets picked up by a streaming service to make into a series. What service would you want it to be, and would you want them to follow your story closely, or would you rather see what directions they take it in?
I’d choose Netflix. It develops such unique dramas. It creates complex characters and lets them drive the action. Its plots are consistently thoughtful and well-paced. I’d like to see what its writers and directors would imagine for my story. They wouldn’t need to stick closely to the book.
Just For Fun
Your trademark feature.
My friends have always teased me about needing everything I wear to match perfectly. If I don’t think what I’m wearing is cohesive from earrings to shoes I feel “off” and self-conscious, even if no one would notice.
Favorite time of/part of your day.
I’m a homebody, so my favorite part of the day is what I call “cuddle time.” That’s when I’m ready for sleep, and my two cats and I curl up in bed to read.
Favorite place you’ve visited/place you want to visit.
Israel was incredible. As my memoir reveals, I wish I’d had a better mindset while I was there, but I still got so much out of visiting. Every inch of the country is layered with human history. It was inspiring to walk through Jerusalem’s Old City, which is divided into quadrants—Christian, Jewish, Muslim, and Armenian—and see people of all faiths and backgrounds coexisting peacefully, as if that’s no big deal. I wish more of the world could follow that example.
A book that you recommend everyone reads.
Everyone should read Glennon Doyle’s Untamed. It illustrates in such clear, concise terms the box women are taught to fit into from the day they are born. It’s relatable rather than preachy or theoretical, so men would also benefit from its description of how societies have shaped women’s behaviors, ambitions, and bodies throughout history. Some of the limitations applied to women also harm men by forcing them into pre-defined roles.
The topic you can’t shut up about and the topic you wish everyone would shut up about.
American politics. The U.S. was founded on the principle that people who have different beliefs can live and work together constructively, but that seems to have gotten lost. We Americans have become so entrenched and hostile. Issues are instantly oversimplified and repeated incessantly by individuals who have a stake—usually financial—in getting others to see things their way. They pit people who hold different perspectives against each other, as if there is no alternative except to fight. That mentality has dragged politics into every aspect of daily life, whether it belongs there or not.
Celebrity you’d want to be friends with.
Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge.
Favorite Halloween costume ever.
I have to confess: I don’t like Halloween. I don’t enjoy dressing up, trick-or-treating, putting up macabre decorations, or watching horror movies. In fact, I’ve never seen (nor do I want to see) classics like Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Blair Witch Project, or others. I get way too tense to enjoy suspense or horror films. They’re almost painful instead of fun. Plus, my active imagination, tendency to overthink things, and vivid dreams would make going to sleep torturous. As a child, I once snuck out of my room and watched part of a babysitter’s movie about a plane crash. For weeks, I had nightmares about being belted into an airplane seat underwater and surrounded by sharks.
A talent you have and a talent you wish you had.
A talent I have is playing the flute. Talents I wish I had are drawing and sewing. I’m obsessed with fashion design. I love shows like Project Runway and Next in Fashion. It amazes me that designers can dream up something never seen before and then manifest it. I have no spatial or directional aptitude, so sewing is a mystery. I tried sewing simple valences for my windows once and screwed it up so many times that I finally hired a tailor to make them.
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Loving the name of this book and the story told within its covers! People who rise up beyond what society and other people see them as are word warriors we can learn from. Thanks for sharing!