How do children grow into adulthood successfully or unsuccessfully? How much of our upbringing can account for our life’s trajectory? That’s an age-old question that seems to be a blend of how we were raised, how we ingested our experiences, and our natural personality traits that we’ve had since birth. A good parent, though, will take on the full responsibility of their child’s outcome and do what they can to steer them in the right direction.
Author Eric L. Heard has taken his parenting super seriously, hoping to right the wrongs of his past yet instill the same sense of drive and responsibility that he took on to become a well-rounded, though anxious, adult. As a result, he has written a book about the life events that shaped his worldview and, subsequently, his parenting in his book, Reflections of an Anxious African American Dad.
Reflections of an Anxious African American Dad plot summary
The book opens with an incident between Heard and his son after he receives a call from school saying that his son intentionally did poorly on a recent test. Heard calls his wife in a panic, but she shrugs it off. When he gets home, he unleashes all of his fears and worries as a parent in the form of anger and aggression. What follows is a collection of stories of the author’s own childhood and the experiences that shaped his anxious tendencies and value of education.
Heard’s writing style
Heard is a gifted essayist with his clear, simple and engaging storytelling. He shares both the good and bad points of his childhood from his extended family’s get togethers to the volatile relationship between his parents which caused a lot of stress and instability.
Heard was an army brat, moving from one part of the country, and sometimes from one part of the world, to the next throughout his life. Sometimes this was due to his father’s latest transfer. Other times it was so that his mother could escape his father’s alcoholism.
He bounces around his personal timeline, painting a broad picture of life from one era to the next. Other times, he leans in close, sharing specific events that molded both the positive and negative attributes that have followed him into adulthood.
So much of Heard’s life story is a seesaw between good and bad. Not knowing which was the scales will tip accounts for his anxiousness. He has issues reading yet is put into honors classes. He misses his father when he goes off on assignment for sometimes months at a time, but then he hates when he comes home and starts drinking too much, causing epic fights between his parents and turning the household upside down.
Hesitancy to share a life story
This book is short, under 100 pages long. So it’s a quick read, but it’s not entirely a complete one. Heard has carefully selected the stories in this book, skipping over large chunks of his life and keeping the reader at a distance with others.
Several times throughout the book, he mentions that there is more to that particular story or additional details that he could share or piggyback off of but plans to save it for another book. However, I feel that this book was the opportunity to do so, and teasing these additional details tends to stall the chapter’s momentum. Maybe the story is too personal, or maybe he didn’t want to veer too far off track, but working them into their own chapters would have beefed up the overall book, or at least the page count, especially if they included thoughts relevant to the book’s theme.
The title versus the content
Speaking of themes, I think what threw me off the most about this book was the title. I expected Heard to share the relationship between he and his son, working in his past as the vehicle for the lessons that he teaches his boy.
The African American experience is touched upon as expected in this book, but it’s not the central theme. Instead, the central theme tends to be family, and his family dynamic transcends race or class. It’s easy to see how his experiences contribute to his anxiety but not so much how being African American plays into his past and his parenting style.
He does share a few enraging stories that tie into race. But the story itself is bookended by the one interaction with his son. So, it’s hard to piece together how specifically his experiences tie into his parenting style.
Heard grew up to become an engineer. He did this without the push and pressure from his parents that he exhibits in the first and last chapters. What is present, though, is that generational gap between the parent with the tough upbringing and the child with the easier one. Seeing a child coast because they don’t have that drive to succeed in order to escape a tense home life can be frustrating to the parent who scratched and clawed their way to success.
My recommendation
I recommend Reflections of an Anxious African American Dad to parents or memoir fans looking for a short yet well-written read. I would have loved to have learned more about the author within its pages. But as promised, future books are on the way.
Reflections of an Anxious African American Dad is a collection of stories written by Eric L. Heard about the author’s childhood and the experiences that shaped his worldview, both good and bad. Growing up an army brat and the son of an alcoholic had him on the move a lot. As a result, he got to experience different cultures, routines, and people. He applied himself and worked hard to become a successful adult with a few mental scars that he carries around with him. It’s not until he confronts his son after a bad test score one day that he realizes just how deep those scars go.
This book is a quick yet engaging read to anyone who loves to hear others’ life stories or parents who want to reflect on how their own pasts reflect their current parenting styles. I would have loved this book to have been longer and for the author to have included stories and details that he teases several times throughout the chapters. I also would have loved to have learned more about his parenting style and the dynamic forged between he and his son and how they relate to the stories he told of his own childhood. However, Heard is a gifted writer with a talent for storytelling. So, what is there is worth reading.
An interview with Eric L. Heard
Author name/pen name: Eric L. Heard
Author links
Reflections of an Anxious African American Dad book summary
The purpose of this book is an awkward discussion of Eric Heard’s life to his son. He talks about his life in a candid way that tries to explain his anxiety as an African American dad. It is an open and honest account of his life through the life of a child that has been through a lot in his life. It is a reflection on his life that has been shaped by his childhood experiences.
Book excerpt
This episode jolted me into making another connection between my childhood and how I was acting as a parent with my son. I would take actions to ensure that what had haunted our family tree for generations would not happen to him. I knew it would require some radical steps. One of those actions was writing a book that he can share with his family after I leave this earth. When he thinks about the times I would not go with him to the baseball game or to his school assembly, this book will provide the answers when he reads between the lines.
I hope this book will help others who don’t have their stories told anywhere in media. There are other African American men dealing with their childhood experiences and wanting to insulate their sons and daughters from the echoes and continued grasp of systematic racism. I grew up during an era of seismic changes that saw whole communities decimated. The mental anguish quietly pushed African American dads to find a way to deal with an unforgiving world. These dads are looking to raise kids while at the same time reconciling crushing pain. I would like this book to be an acknowledgment of that pain and let them know they are not alone.
Talking Shop
What do you want readers to take away from your book?
I would like for readers to take away from the book that it is important for all stories to be told. There are so many unique stories that need to be shared that people will enjoy reading and gain a better understanding of others in the world.
How long have you considered yourself a writer? Did you have any formal training, or is it something you learned as you went?
I do not consider myself a writer yet, until I have wrote a second book that is a little bit longer and tell more of my life. I am a storyteller, right now with the first book with the hopes of being like the great writers that I had the fortune of reading in my life. I do not have any formal writing training but I felt the compulsion to write something that was unique and honest.
If you don’t make a living exclusively writing, what is your day job? How, in any way, does it relate to your life as a writer?
I am an engineer and have been in the manufacturing field for the last twenty years. I have worked for different companies from the auto industry to a bakery. As an engineer, it is important that I am honest with people and talk in a concise way. This has translated to the clear tone that I used in the book and the type of langue that I use to tell stories.
What is the most fun part about writing? The most difficult?
The fun part about writing is the open slate that you have as a writer. The author has the ability to select the world the reader will be diving into as they read your book. I enjoyed the process of understanding how to engage readers and selecting stories they would enjoy and brings the most value to the overall book reading experience. The most difficult part about writing is talking about stories that are very emotional to me. I am learning that I have to tell those stories in an honest way that best represents that moment without leaving out important details that can be very difficult to discuss.
Do you have a writing ritual, odd habits, or superstitions?
The odd writing ritual that I have is that I say most of the critical chapters at loud to myself. As I am writing, I have points that I would like to get across to the reader. I can spend two days thinking about it and if it hits me, I can blurt it out loud to make sure that it makes sense. My wife thinks I am crazy sometimes but I tell her it is part of the process. She leaves most of the time but I can tell she is puzzled by that.
“What if” scenarios
Your favorite character that you’ve written comes to life for one day. What do you do together for 24 hours?
The person that I would choose to talk to is my paternal grandfather. When I was young, I spent time with him, but I never talked with him about his life experiences. He was a quiet man that worked all the time, so I never got to learn a lot about him personally. I would spend the day with him just fishing off the bridge and hear his stories, if he chose to talk about them. It will give me more understanding of the world around me today.
Your book becomes a best seller. What do you do next?
If my book becomes a best seller, I will probably thank God again. Then I would continue writing stories that are relatable and honest. I enjoy the process of just writing stories and being a best seller would be the cherry the sundae.
You have final say over who reads the audio book version of your story. Who do you choose?
It must be Morgan Freeman. I would probably keep it on loop in my house and it would play throughout every room for the rest of my life on full volume.
You’re offered a contract to rewrite your book in another genre. Which genre do you choose and why?
I would write a book in the science fiction genre. Science Fiction has the ability to expand people’s imagination and thinking in a way that I would find it worthwhile to try as an author. There are so many stories that could be told that can be engaging and unique that can bring new fans to the genre and excite existing ones, as well?
A wealthy reader buys 100 copies of your book and tells you to hand them out to anyone you wish. Who do you give them to?
I would give me book to anyone who is willing to read the book and enjoys reading. It would be nice to engage new readers that can find the joy in reading and lead them to find other books that meets their interest. I would enjoy seeing my book used to increase readership in this world.
What legacy do you want to leave behind?
I would like to leave a legacy of being someone who took the leap. I was never a writer, but I wanted to try writing to tell a honest and engaging story. The people who know me will probably describe as someone would hardly take risk before this part of my life. I hope I can spend the rest of my life overcoming my doubts and fears to become more of a role model for my family and others.
Just for fun
Favorite time of/part of your day.
My favorite part of the day is at night when my family is sleep and I can write in peace. I do not want to sound like I do not enjoy my family, but that is a great time for reflection and getting my thoughts together.
Favorite place you’ve visited/place you want to visit.
My favorite place that I visit is Venice, Italy. It is one of the most unique places that I have been in my life. I walked around Venice thinking about the history and some of the great people that have walked those same streets. I am definitely going back when I get the chance. There is nothing like walking the streets of Venice, at night; I felt like I was teleported to the Renaissance period.
Your favorite book format.
My favorite book format is audiobooks. I enjoy listening to them as I work around the house or just lounging around. It is my goal to listen to at least two audiobooks per month, one for self-improvement and just listening pleasure.
Your most unrealistic dream job.
The most unrealistic dram job is to become an astronomer. I just find it the coolest thing to spend your nights looking at the stars and getting paid for it. I know it is more to it but that is how I like to think of that job.
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