Making a List on New Year’s Eve to Combat Negative Thoughts

One New Year’s Eve, after one of the worst years of my life, I was sitting around waiting for the ball to drop and thinking back for the millionth time about all of the terrible things that had happened over the past year.  Doing this made me antsy for midnight so that I could clear the air and start fresh in the year ahead.

And then it hit me…

Just because the date on the calendar changes doesn’t mean that tomorrow or the day after or the next year is going to be better. If I could have avoided those bad things from happening over the past year, I would have. You cannot will yourself to have a good year through resolutions, goal setting, or a positive mindset. And if it’s ourselves we need to change, we can’t instantly transform when the clock strikes midnight.

It also isn’t healthy to look back on a bad year and think that every waking hour of it was bad. You’ll find yourself facing regret, depression, and hopelessness. That’s how I was feeling until it struck me to turn my thinking around and look at the positive.

So, sitting in the dark illuminated only by the lights of the Christmas tree and the big screen TV transmitting shots of a frigid but electric Times Square and its swarm of spectators, I opened a blank document on my computer and tried to think of as many good things as I could that had happened throughout the year.

Forcing myself to think positively

Reflecting on the past year usually involves pinpointing the milestones. You think of the most memorable days, the built-in occasions that come around each year, and the memories that sparked the most intense emotions, good or bad.

Even the media includes countdown lists and notable news stories of the past year to sum up the world’s tragedies, scandals, celebrations, and triumphs. Every TV channel, print source, and online publication seems to include one of these “best of” or “worst of” lists at the end of December.

For me, this exercise was an experiment in looking on the bright side and to mine for even the tiniest comforts, experiences, and good fortune that popped up in between all of the negativity that was peppered into the past 52 weeks. I had no specific number in mind. I just typed up whatever came to me.

When I was finished, I had a shocking total of 101 items on the list. They were as small as discovering a new favorite fast food menu item and as large as family members dodging serious health scares.

Each item on the list, whether material, positively emotional, or ego-boosting, put me back into that moment of happiness, no matter how short-lived or small. It reminded me that sometimes the simplest things will get us through the rough day and that dodging a bullet should be celebrated, not played over and over in a cascade of “what if” scenarios. Because as easily as things can go south, they can just as easily go north.

There was no tallying of points, comparing my year with others, or even sharing what I had written down. But when I was finished, I saved the document to my computer and felt better about having survived a nightmare of a year.

Setting high standards

New Year’s Eve is always looked at as a relief, a “thank God it’s over” moment, no matter how well the year has gone.  Why is that? Why do we tend to look back on the year, even a good year, with such disdain? What makes New Year’s Eve a holiday that we welcome just so we can leave it behind?

Maybe we set our standards for a good year too high. Every day needs to be exciting and interesting. There can be no bad days. We must stick to our resolutions and hit all of our goals on time and with 100% success.

Instead, we take such a negative approach to looking back, one where we see a year of failure. They say it takes multiple good things to even out merely one bad thing. And even then, that one bad thing stains an otherwise perfect record of happiness. Those negative memories make us think that we’ve failed as humans, are terrible people, failed the people who depend on us, failed ourselves and our personal hopes and dreams, and that others (and life itself) have failed us in return.

Ideas for the list

Needless to say, with this attitude, I started my list thinking it would be a short one. That’s when I relaxed my expectations, cleared away all of the bad things that had weighed me down, and I looked for those little moments of comfort or those rare days when things just worked out, when people were at their best, and I was distracted from worry, fear, and stress for a brief period of time.

Some of the items on my list included:

• New places I had visited
• Hobbies I had tried
• New products that I bought and liked
• Good books and movies I had read and seen
• Concerts I had gone to
• Meeting up with friends or family for lunch or dinner
• YouTube channels and podcasts I had discovered
• Small writing accomplishments I had attained
• A compliment from a stranger that had stuck with me
• Things that didn’t happen (ex. no unexpected emergency expenses or damage to pay to have repaired or replaced)
• Health scares that had been avoided
• Nights out that veered from the norm

I reflected back on things that had been easier over the past year over the year before. And I thought about those small comforts that I take for granted but would miss if I didn’t have them.

Because I wasn’t showing the list to anyone else, there was no holding back. There was no shame about including material objects on the list and the slight dopamine hit that they sparked in me.  There was also no issue with including bizarre comforts that only I could relate to.

Redefining success and happiness

Writing down these good things also changed my attitude about what success and happiness is. Like any emotion, happiness is never constant, and unlike the negative emotions, it’s not always easy to identify.

We’re constantly looking for the pot of gold instead of picking up the scattered coins as we find them. Making this list was like putting the coins in a basket and admiring the pile of good things that came together from so many different areas of my life.

Sometimes we fight against the grain so hard that we tend to run in place. The constant battle can exhaust us and make us feel hopeless.

Taking a minute to reflect on the good puts you into a better mindset. It shows us that life isn’t just about the defining events. It’s about the day-to-day moments that we have in between these notable milestones.

So, as the ball dropped at midnight on New Year’s Eve, and it was my time zone’s turn to reset itself for a new year, I felt grateful to be in that moment when all that mattered was appreciating the little things. And it started a new tradition. I plan to do the same this New Year’s Eve. I hope you will too.

Interested in making a list of good things that happened over the past year? Download my fillable PDF below, and start typing up your list. Make it your own. Share it with others, or file it away just for you to remind you that even bad years have good in them. 

NYE List

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