Unprecedented paths paved along the journey
By: Jayanthi Sankar
Reading, my solace
During my twenties, I had not realised reading could bring me the comfort I’ve never enjoyed until I was in Singapore. Thrilled by the new world of libraries I discovered for myself, I read book after book daily like there was no tomorrow, only for the pleasure of reading. Although I read some nonfiction, I derived immense happiness through fiction for the the faraway worlds.
Reading rejuvenated me as much as it intoxicated me. When many of my good friends were mall-hopping, either to purchase or window shop, I spent most of my time library-hopping. My market trolley came in handy for my weekly library visits. I used to borrow books on all the four cards in our family until my sons started using theirs sparingly.
Thinking back, I feel I grew up with my sons. And while they helped me grow from a girl to a woman, only my reading nurtured my adult mind holistically. I wouldn’t be what I am today, as a person, as a reader or as an author, if not for the NLB, National Library Board.
A critic born
I wasn’t even aware of the critic born in me as the result of years of reading until mid-1995. Internal comments prevented me from enjoying my read. Although I tried my hand at writing a short story, more to experience the creative challenge, I wished also to stop that nagging voice. I had to silence her for me to indulge in my reading with no disturbances. I only wanted her to shut her mouth and let me read, but, no, it didn’t happen. Instead, it paved the way for a new journey, completely unexpected.
Turning point
When my short fiction story, “Turning point,” got published in print, it surprised me. I only had to try writing a few more to assure myself that I really could write, and that’s how my long journey of creative exploration began, with no external guidance or mentoring. From then on, there was no turning back.
Reading shaped my life like I never imagined it could. Over time, I started to learn that reading has indeed done wonders in many, not just me, and that most writers started off only as passionate readers.
My love for reading fiction had slowly trained me into writing fiction. For me, serious reading began as a distraction from the many issues I faced as a sensitive person during my twenties and into my thirties. Reading helped me discover my solace. That later turned out to be fun and blissful too. Eventually, I realised reading brought in me the maturity and wisdom that I never knew I would arrive at. Reading and writing slowly turned out to be my world, my life, and my identity.
Always a migrant?
Even after living in Singapore for over three decades, formally a citizen, I’m seen only as an immigrant. When I really was migrating constantly, continuously before I came here, others did not consider me a migrant, and I didn’t know I was one back then.
I’ve lived Singapore the longest, more than half my life. During the first part of my life, I did not live in any place for more than a few years.
My late father, a central government civil engineer, used to be transferred from state to state, and that led to a change of school every two to three years. Diversity was part of my life, naturally during my formative years. The subcontinent of India by itself was a huge wide world without the present-day technological advancements.
Adapting to a new city or school became easier as I grew up, but getting over the pains of leaving friends behind every time got tougher, probably because of the tender emotions involved. I didn’t get to share them with anyone. I shrank. I dared not get closer, avoiding closer attachments to new-found friends in new settings. And, strangely, I realised those heartaches only later, when I was in my twenties.
My parents had three of my younger siblings to manage, and parenting those days mostly meant only providing and protecting. I had no opportunity to share my thoughts with them, and that left me an introvert.
Work from home
Unlike most people who started working from home in 2020, I’ve mostly worked from home as a freelancer in transcribing, editing, proofreading, translating, subtitling, and interpreting for over twenty years, minus the three years of my full-time job as a journalist. Writing news didn’t make me happy. So, I returned to freelancing. Before I began my freelancing, I concluded I did not enjoy teaching after about six years of home tutoring.
A short journey in journalism
News writing didn’t bring me a fraction of the joy I derived from my creative writing. I used to feel that I hadn’t enough freedom in my writing. I came to this conclusion after only three years at it. The inexplainable fear that always ran undercurrent around me made it worse for me. Specific rules within the frame made me feel strangled. Ever-lurking fear around made me uncomfortable. The rigidity, to me, was completely against my belief in the process of writing. When I look back, I think I suffocated, and I breathed a sigh of relief after I quit.
Rooted in the fictional world
Many people ask me, why always fiction? Well, creating a fictional world helps me live dozens of different lives. With the imagination that my mind is capable of, not satisfied with living a single life, it creates characters to live their lives. And through them, I also think with their different minds, like them.
As a fiction writer, I create my characters to walk them through an issue with a backdrop. Constantly fuelled by my imagination, I write and rewrite in my mind so many times that the theme eventually chooses its form, techniques, tools, tones, and narrative styles as it churns up to the surface. That’s when I plan my chapters.
I live more in the fictional world, living the lives of my characters with a generous sprinkling of imagination. I do come to the real world now and then. This can be mostly pleasurable, though sometimes painful.
Mine from the process
While reading the end product, I feel it has come out as I had perceived it in my mind. The sense of fulfilment and accomplishment that I experience can be incredible and stays with me forever. Those are perhaps the only things that remain with me apart from feedback and reviews from genuine readers. I believe in leaving ample space for my readers, and that creates an abstractness that most of my readers love. While I do the rewriting, I become a heartless editor, but that’s another story altogether, perhaps for another time.
It has been unsurprising, therefore, that fiction has mostly been my dearest choice, both in reading and writing. And I believe the world of literature makes life endless for any person who wishes to live life to the fullest.
However, I admit humbly that not everyone needs to be as passionate about reading and writing as I have been. To make a living, and to be in the rat race, one may not require literature, and neither can she seek to register her thoughts to earn anything monetarily substantial or to prove her existence in any way. It just can’t be that way. And therefore, I believe she can certainly complete her life without reading or writing. I’ve known many who have done that, and they’ve lived well, efficiently, and happily. So, what worked for me may not work for another. To each their own.
Yet another critic?
The critic had to be silenced. And I had to prove to her it’s easier said than done. So, I playfully took up art in mid-January 2017. It only paved yet another path for me – a new colourful one. Watercolours became my forte. Within 20 months, I had 250 plus decent pieces of various themes and sizes, mostly landscapes, birds, flowers, and a few buildings. The solo one-day exhibition on 22nd September 2018 was a memorable experience, and the support rendered by NLB during those pre-COVID days was immensely valuable.
And now…
The fourth WIP novel that I’ve been experimenting with in the socio psychological genre is shaping but slower because of various expected factors. I’ve started envisioning a semi-abstract book cover for the same, planning to paint one myself. It will be the first cover for my own title.
A couple of months ago, I pulled myself out of my comfort zone of reading, writing and publishing. I have begun on an important full-time intensive training that I’m thoroughly enjoying. This learning is so new and excitingly enriching that I’ve already been identifying a few areas where my interest and efficiency might lie.
About the author
Jayanthi Sankar enjoys expanding scope of her creative world. Writing a novel is more of a process that she truly lives and loves, and she’s all into experimenting, especially in her storytelling. Dangling Gandhi was the winner in fiction/short story of the 2020 International Book Award – American Book Fest. The Literary Titan Award was another international award it bagged apart from several shortlists and nominations. The title story, Dangling Gandhi, (releasing in January 2022) was shortlisted by Twist & Twain as one of the top 21 short stories out of 165 entries worldwide.
Tabula Rasa is her third book and second novel. She has served on several international panels of literary festivals such as (Asia Pacific Writers & Translators) APWT 2018 at Gold Coast, Singapore Writers Festival, and Seemanchal International Literary Festival, Asean – India Pravasi Bharatiya Divas Writers Festival. Her previous novel, Misplaced Heads, was on the Eyelands Book Awards 2020 final list of historical fiction in Greece. It made its mark as an outstanding postmodern historical fiction. Also a watercolour hobbyist, Sankar has lived in Singapore since 1990.
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Jayanthi, I enjoyed reading about how books and stories have been such an important part of your life. And I think your brain must cook up some pretty fascinating creative energy! Best wishes in all your pursuits!