We often relate funerals and memorials for our loved ones to closure and peace. But grief is rarely that quick and final, especially when you’re a kid with questions and concerns. Author Ta’Shay Mason illustrates the time after the death of a parent in her second picture book, It’s Ok to be Happy, the follow up to her book, But I Don’t Want to Say Goodbye. Below is my review of It’s Ok to be Happy along with an interview with Mason about her book.
It’s Ok to be Happy book summary
Jazmine is still coping with the loss of her father, even after his funeral. Her emotions range from sad to angry to worried. Even her mom’s stories about her dad don’t always help. Then, Jazmine joins a support group which makes her feel less alone. She and her mom also celebrate her dad’s birthday along with her dad’s close cousin, Jimmy. Keeping busy, talking things out, and trying new things helps Jazmine to feel happy again, even without her dad around.
The story
It’s comforting to return to Jazmine’s story and catch up with her grief process, despite the fact that she’s not doing well at the beginning of the story. Mason touches on some very specific yet universal details while grieving. It makes Jazmine sad to see other kids with their fathers. She is worried about her mom not coming home at night. These are very understandable and relatable feelings and concerns that are addressed in the story.
There is also no real answer to how to cope with the myriad of thoughts and emotions that you’re forced to sit with in the days, weeks, and months after a death. And Mason is good about not providing simplified answers to such complicated topics.
Jazmine heals with the support of her family, specifically her mom. While she is reluctant to pick up her old activities that she used to love to do with her dad, her mom finds her new activities to try, such as horseback riding and creating a memory book for her dad’s birthday. Talking to her dad too helps, whether it’s talking to a picture near her bed or seeing him in a dream. The activities distract her, but the talking releases the sadness and isolation that she feels within her grief.
The illustrations
The story’s illustrations by Tanya Colton-Cauley mirror the style of book 1 with colorful and multi-layered pictures that go along with the text. I love the specific details such as the textured purple rug in the support group scenes or the art supplies sprawled out on the floor as Jasmine and her mom work on the memory book.
Jasmine also appears to have grown between books. She’s taller and seems to have matured. However, she still has her same vulnerability and sadness without seeming pitiful or dramatic.
The illustrations take up three quarters of the page, sometimes spread across two pages. This leaves enough room for several sentences of large print type to tell the story at the bottom of each story without having to hunt for the text squeezed into whatever white space can be found within the drawings. This allows the illustrations to shine on their own and become a companion to the text instead of part of it.
My recommendation
In the end, It’s Ok to be Happy talks about moving on without forgetting. Because it’s impossible to forget and also unnecessary. We can miss our loved ones, continue to talk to them, and even decide not to do certain activities that we used to do with them. But we still need to find a way to move on, whether that’s through a support group, the support of your family, your own subconscious helping you through, or a combination of multiple factors.
Grief is an inescapable part of life. And I’m glad that books like this exist for children who need to feel less alone in their grief or know how to deal with it when the time comes. It’s not an easy topic to cover, but Mason, through her own personal experiences and writing talent, pulls it off flawlessly.
An interview with Ta’Shay Mason
Did you always plan to write more than one book featuring Jazmine and her experiences? If not, how long after finishing book 1 did you start writing book 2?
Initially no. While writing the first book, the idea to write a series came to me because I realized people need to see her journey.
I noticed that Jazmine seems a bit older in book 2. How much time passes between stories?
She is the same age. It is about a month or two after the first book, which sets up for the third and final book of the series.
Jazmine and her friends at support group talk about being upset when they see other kids with their dads. Does this tend to get easier, or is it always an upsetting situation?
Everyone is different and grief takes time. Some days are good and others not so good. For me, it did not get easier; just more tolerable.
I like the part about how remembering her dad can sometimes make Jazmine feel worse instead of better. What do you think causes sharing memories to become painful rather than healing?
I believe sharing memories can be a combination of painful and healing. It is painful because we want to the person to be here with us; however, working through the pain can become healing.
Roy is angry about the loss of his dad. What tips do you have for managing anger through grief?
Managing anger can be a challenge especially when we are dealing with our emotions. Some ways I have found helpful to manage anger is expressing my feelings through conversation (speaking with people you trust, speaking in a support group), drawing, listening to music, and hiking.
How autobiographical were the stories that Cousin Jimmy and Jazmine’s mom share about her dad? Did your mom actually dunk your dad in the dunking booth?
Cousin Jimmy is a combination of the men in my life when I was processing my grief as a child (which included my Uncle Jimmy). The dunking booth story came from my experience participating in the dunking booth when I was in the U.S. Army. There was a “family day” and I volunteered to participate in the dunking booth. I was messing with people to get them to miss the target. Unfortunately, that did not work well for me. I kept falling in. I decided to use it as a backstory for Jazmine’s parents.
What do you want grieving readers to take away from the theme of happiness in this book?
I want readers to take away a few things:
- Grieving takes time and there is no time limit on how long to grief.
- Thinking of creative ways to remember a loved one who has died can help during the grieving process.
- It is important to express yourself in creative ways when you are missing your loved one (support groups, creating a memory book, riding horses, reminiscing with family and friends).
- Be kind to yourself. Be kind by allowing yourself time to cry, yell, be silent, etc.
Jazmine worries about her mom not coming home. How can readers combat these fears?
Sometimes children do not know how to express their feelings or fears. It is important to check in with them and ask how they are feeling. In a situation like Jazmine where she worries about her mother not coming home, it is important to discuss and validate the child’s feelings and discuss ways to help ease the child’s fear (i.e talking one on one or speaking with a counselor).
What tips do you have for finding and participating in a support group like Jazmine’s?
To find support groups for families and children, go to the National Alliance for Children’s Grief (NACG) website, Psychology Today website, or speak with the child’s pediatrician.
At the end of the book, Jazmine dreams of her dad and has a conversation with him. Do you think this was Jazmine’s mind’s way of telling her that it’s okay to be happy, or is it meant to be a message directly from her dad?
I believe it was both. Jazmine is trying to navigate her life without one of the most important people in her life. Sometimes we wonder if we should go on and live our life without that person being there. For Jazmine, that dream meant that her dad wants her to live her life (which also comes from the times Jazmine spent with her dad when he was alive along with the conversations and life lessons he taught her). This goes back to the memories she has with him and understand that he is always with her (even though he is not there physically).
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