When I found out I was going to be an aunt, it got me thinking a lot about baby names. It’s such a big decision. What do you name a person you’ve never met?
We name children before we even know who they are. How do we know they’ll like their name? Do you like your name?
Some people obsess over what to name their baby. They comb through baby books, make lists, and change their mind a million times before they decide on one. Other people have their children’s names picked out for years before they become parents.
What is it about choosing a baby name that is so personal?
How many people like the name that they’re given?
Do they grow to like or hate their name as they get older?
Should a child go nameless until they are old enough to choose for themselves?
There’s so much to explore. Here are my thoughts on naming babies.
How do you pronounce the name Laura?
My name, Laura, is relatively common and a mere five letters, yet half of the people I meet pronounce it one way (my preferred way), and the other half pronounce it another. My preferred way is “Lar-ra,” the “u” is silent, and it has a short “a” sound like “car.” But some people, even after I have pronounced it for them the way that I say it, call me “Lor-ra,” the first syllable sounding like “oar.” I always let it go, but this pronunciation, to me, sounds like nails on a chalkboard.
Sometimes, it sounds like I’m being reprimanded by the person pronouncing my name that way. Other times, it comes off as someone who just doesn’t want to put in the effort to open their mouth wide enough to make the “are” sound.
Pronunciation is definitely something to keep in mind when burdening your child with a name that is hard to pronounce or can be pronounced multiple ways. Think Cassandra, Mario, and Joanna. It all comes down to the vowels.
Spelling names
Another element to choosing a name is deciding on how it should be spelled. Alternative spellings can also trip people up, creating a lifetime of correcting people or wearing misspelled name tags.
I once heard Oprah say that her name was supposed to be “Orpah,” but they got it wrong on her birth certificate. So, her famous moniker is the result of a misspelling. But she’s not the only one. Look at the countless ways to spell Nicky, Kaitlyn, and Brian. Add a unique twist to these already long lists, and you’re doomed to having your name pronounced for the rest of your life.
Do you look like your name?
Even if you didn’t like your name, could you imagine being called anything else? We seem to absorb our name into our look and personality until we resemble the name that we’re given.
When a kid would call out “here” during roll call in school, the teacher, either on the first day or a substitute, would on occasion say, “You look like a John,” or “You look like an Ashley.” But not everyone named John looks alike. Neither do Ashley’s, or anyone else for that matter.
There were three girls named Laura in my grade in school at one point (including me), and all three of us looked different. But somehow, the name fit us all. It just made it hard to know who people were talking to when they called our name.
Occasionally, you’ll meet a person who looks nothing like the way you imagined them to look based on seeing their name or hearing their voice first. Yet, the more time you see them, the more you relate the name to the face.
Parents who give birth to multiples need to choose a few different names, deciding on who gets named what based on who comes out first. Once the birth certificates are printed, you can’t imagine switching them around, even if they’re identical.
Some people say they are “bad with names.” I’m the opposite. I’m bad with faces. Maybe I don’t look at people long or close enough. I can tell you the name of the server who waited on me at a restaurant a month ago. But if I saw them on the street, I probably wouldn’t recognize them.
Celebrity names
Celebrities and character actors play so many different parts in a career. They have to take on new names all the time and make the name fit to their body and the character they are portraying.
Maybe they don’t even use their real name. We know them by their stage name, or they even change their name legally for one reason or another. One Michael Douglas changed his name to Michael Keaton when applying for his SAG card for obvious reasons. Keanu Reeves has stated that he had even considered changing his name to sound more Hollywood.
Classic Hollywood actors used to change their names to sound less “ethnic,” usually deciding on a WASP-friendly name to avoid discrimination for being non-European or Jewish or to make their name easier to pronounce and remember. For example, you may not know Jerome Silberman, but you do know Gene Wilder. And Margarita Carmen Cansino was better known as Rita Hayworth.
“Strange” names
But even though some name choices are laughable, you yourself would never laugh at it to your face. People have taken to bracing themselves before a baby name is revealed to them so that they can put on an act if they don’t like it. After all, it’s a sensitive subject that can get you into trouble or make you look like a jerk if you react the wrong way or put your two cents in. Because tastes in names vary.
The most traditional names sound ugly to some people while the most modern or unique names sound stupid to others. It’s why baby name trends vary throughout history. The trends change with the times, yet it’s too subjective of a topic to agree on what names are “good” or “bad.”
Cultural differences
Immigrants or first generation American citizens sometimes even shorten their longer or hard to pronounce in English names to something closer to these more popular names. As someone whose name is often mispronounced, I can’t blame them for wanting to avoid constant explanation and correction or even wanting to better fit in if that’s their motivation. But more and more, people are starting to use their real names. Slowly but surely, white Americans are acclimating to it.
Gender-specific names
Even the romance languages that assign genders to their nouns aren’t as specific when it comes to baby names. Some names are easily interchangeable, like Alex, Robin, and Jamie. But we all know people who have a name that is traditionally given to the opposite gender. There are girls named Bobby and guys named Kelly. And it can be shocking to meet these people and realize that the person we had in mind is nothing like the one that is standing in front of us.
Then there are those who transition their genders later in life. In many cases, they change their name to match their new-to-the-world image, signaling a fresh start in a more comfortable version of their body. It’s just one more way to acclimate themselves culturally into their preferred identity. With so many new definitions of gender being integrated into our lexicon, even pronouns are being altered in response to these redefined human identities.
Middle names
Some people have personalities large enough to handle a unique name. They slide right into it while others may struggle to walk around in this world with a name that is just not them. That’s when they take to using their middle name, which can also be a source of controversy or secrecy when it comes to choosing one for a kid.
Sometimes a middle name is harder to decide on than a first name. They go for traditional family names, multiple middle names that won’t even fit on a signature line, or they have no middle name at all.
I remember once getting snorted at for telling someone who asked that my middle name was “Marie.”
“Of course it is,” they scoffed, and I wondered why that was such a bad thing.
Marie is a common middle name for girls with European ancestry. In my case, it’s a family name on my mom’s side that she decided to pass down to future generations. Should I have had a more unique middle name? Cause I’ve seen people being teased for that too. So, you can’t win.
Family names
Family names aren’t just relegated to middle names, though. Boys, especially, can get saddled with their dad’s name which could have been passed down through multiple generations. You don’t see this too much anymore. Maybe it was causing an identity crisis or the pressure to live up to the name and the accomplishments of the people that came before them.
Then there are the children who share the same first name as a parent but a different middle name, thus negating the Juniors and the roman numerals that follow. Yet, you have to explain that you’re not a Michael John Junior or a Michael John III when someone hears that your dad has your first name. You can hear the exhaustion in their voice as they explain this to you.
Naming babies after the circumstances of their birth
Sometimes a new baby comes after the death of an older relative, and their name becomes a tribute to that person, either as a first or middle name. Then there are the cab drivers who deliver a baby from their back seat while en route to the hospital. The parents then give the baby his name in tribute. So, George the cab driver ends up the inspiration behind baby George or Georgina’s name.
I’ve also heard of kids being named after the doctor or nurse who made a split second decision that saved their life during delivery. Their name is also a story, one that doesn’t exist without the person who saved them.
Then there are babies born on Valentine’s Day being named Valentine. Or they are named after the winner of the super bowl if they were born during the winning touchdown. You can tell when a person is sick of telling the story behind their name by the way they have been able to strip it down to the most basic explanation they can manage to satisfy you.
Changing your name
I always think of the Olympic skiier Picabo Street whose parents put off naming her until she was three and had a say in what she was to be called. I’ve also known people whose parents changed their names a few days after they were born or kids who changed the spelling of their name to make it easier to pronounce.
When Catholics make their confirmation, they have to choose a confirmation name. I had to do this when I was 14, and it was empowering to get to decide on a new “unofficial” name for yourself.
Of course, you had to pick from a list of Catholic saints, but there were plenty to choose from. It’s a name that you never use again, just something that comes up in conversation.
Nicknames
Nicknames are another name that are usually given to you. Sometimes it’s as simple as people shortening the longer version of your name.
Girls named Samantha have their closest friends call them “Sam.” Boys named James are quick to tell others to call them Jim if meeting them for the first time. They have a built-in shorter name that is more personal, even if millions of others with their name go by this shortened version as well.
Then there are the full on nicknames, the ones that are so identifiable that some people may not even know the person’s real name. These are nicknames that start with one person and catch on like wildfire.
Nicknames are usually given to someone with a big personality who not only can handle the identifier, but they own it. The name may be so obscure that most don’t even know where it comes from, but you don’t question it because it just sounds right. Everyone from your favorite teacher in high school to the homeless man on the corner can earn this nickname.
Nicknames to build camaraderie
Nicknames are often found in organized groups. Sports teams, soldiers, etc. use nicknames as a way to build camaraderie among members. Even those who don’t get along still use each other’s nicknames, or even create new, humiliating ones for each other as part of their ongoing feud.
Bullies use nicknames to demean their victims, making the name less humanizing and humiliating to instigate anger or intimidation. Some people have only ever been given demeaning nicknames. You have to feel bad for them in this way.
Final thoughts on baby names
The thing is, there’s no telling how a person’s name will pan out for them. And as much as a name becomes part of person’s identity, plenty of people have changed theirs and never looked back. Others have grown to accept it or have taken on a nickname that means more to them than the one printed on their birth certificate.
Choosing a name is a task that should be taken seriously, but it’s also not life or death. It’s also a decision that is bound to invoke ridicule at some point. That’s an early lesson to learn in a lifetime of defending your identity, your choices, and your actions.
Share your thoughts!
Do you like your name?
Do people call you by a shortened version of your name or a nickname?
Have you ever named another human being?
What types of names do you like?
Leave your answers in the comments below!
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As a kid I was never a fan of my name – I just felt as though it wasn’t ‘cool’ enough! Growing up though I’ve learned that I actually quite like it, and it’s not really one that you hear people naming their kids anymore, so I guess it feels slightly more unique than it did when I was growing up. At one point as an adult I considered changing my surname (My parents weren’t married and I had my Mum’s surname), because my Mum was getting remarried and I felt a bit weird about being the only one left with it so I briefly toyed with the idea of changing it to my Dad’s. Nothing ever came of it and I got married a few years later so I think had I changed it, it would have been a bit pointless! A lot of the names I like are generally taken from films or TV, but I’ve always thought I’d go for something that’s slightly unusual, but not too unusual if that makes sense! I’d want a name that was unique enough for my child to be the only one in the class with it, but not so unique that they’re made fun of or I’d have to explain myself for! Great post, really thought provoking 🙂
It’s true that names are trendy, and surnames can be particularly tricky to change, unless you’re a woman getting married. But even that’s a whole new ballgame in terms of hyphenating and keeping your maiden name. In your case, getting married was the perfect opportunity to change your last name since you wanted to anyway. Thanks for sharing!
This is really interesting! I never liked my name when I was younger because I always thought it was too long lol but I like it now.
I guess it’s better to have a name grow on you then to grow out of it. I have heard others say that about long names as well. Thanks for the comment!
I get called “Jen” once a week since middle school. Apparently I look like a “Jen” and I often go by “Jess”/ “Jessie” which people often mistaken over the phone as “Jen”/“Jenny”. I gave up and now if I mess up at work, I say “That must have been Jen”
I used to get called Barb. She made all of my mistakes too.
My name have been the source of some systemic problems when it comes to putting my name down on paper. It’s Aleks Josephine and I’m female, I was born female. However, most people would put my name down on the males category because of the Aleks.
Josephine isn’t a guy’s name though, right? Joseph’s the male version? Anyway, thank you so much for sharing this. It gave me a lot to think about for when I do get to have the privilege of naming my own child, in the future.