There are so many picture books about grief, ranging from a small pet to a beloved parent or grandparent. These books are more about learning than entertaining, and when done right, they can help children to understand the emotional and ritualistic process behind the death of a loved one. Author Ta’Shay Mason has written a modern interpretation of the grief process and funeral preparations in her picture book, But I Don’t Want to Say Goodbye. Below is my review of the book along with my interview with Mason.
But i don’t want to say GOODBYE plot summary
The unnamed narrator of the story has just lost her father, and she and her mother are preparing for his funeral. The little girl is very sad and is nervous about the funeral arrangements. She recalls the stories that kids in school have told her about their relatives’ funerals. Then, her mom explains that her father has been cremated, and they are going to use his ashes to make a reef for the fish in the ocean. This, along with her father’s memorial, helps her to grieve and eventually celebrate her father’s life and the memories she had of him.
The story
The story is told in the present tense. So, the reader is experiencing the sadness and confusion along with the little girl. On the first page, we learn that her father has died. We never find out how, but we can assume it’s been a few days. But the situation hits you hard right out of the gate.
Luckily, the little girl has a strong support system in her mother who is good about answering all of her daughter’s questions and doesn’t force her to act or feel any particular way. She also has a little dog named Bella who stays by her side throughout the story. Bella also has a strong connection to her father since he is the one who brought her home after the narrator asked for a puppy.
The book itself is 32 pages long. Each page contains a few sentences and covers a lot of ground, including the sadness, confusion, fear, and memories surrounding her father’s death. It doesn’t drag, though, and it keeps its focus on the funeral preparations and the toughest part of the grieving process.
The ending is hopeful in showing children that there may be no happy ending, but there is life after death, particularly for the living. And just as the grieving process is very personal, so are the ways in which we remember the dead, whether it’s with specific funeral plans or specific ways of remembering our loved ones.
The illustrations
But I Don’t Want to Say Goodbye is illustrated by Tanya Colton Cauley who uses a mixture of styles to create an image that covers at least half of every page. Some elements of the images are cartoony. Others are more detailed and realistic.
Cauley is good about incorporating a very homey atmosphere to paint a warm family element that has been spoiled by death. In the background, there are pictures of the little girl’s father, and she almost always makes room for Bella to be lingering nearby if not in the narrator’s arms.
The illustrations are very colorful, particularly on the glossy paper on which the book is printed. The underwater scenes are particularly striking to look at. And even though there is a very sad situation taking place, the illustrations never become dark or dingy. It helps to keep young readers engaged and understanding of the fact that life goes on before, during, and after a funeral.
My only criticism of the illustrations is that the human characters themselves look a little stiff. Even on the pages where tears are streaming down their faces, their postures and expressions feel a bit distanced from the story. However, this could help the story from becoming too overwhelming for young readers.
The environmental element
I liked the incorporation of the reef ball into the story. The classic, standard funeral used to entail placing an unmoving body in a coffin and burying them in the ground. But as the story explains, there is more than one way to honor a loved one’s memory.
The narrator’s dad is described as being an environmental activist. So, it’s only fitting that his ashes be made into a reef ball. There’s even mention of a website called Eternal Reefs where readers can look more into turning a person’s ashes into a reef ball.
Not only does this help to address the importance of conservation, but it shows the narrator’s father’s caring nature and how he led by example in doing his part to help clean up the earth. It’s a unique and fitting element to the story which helps to start the narrator’s healing process.
My recommendation
I think that But I Don’t Want to Say Goodbye is a gentle, well thought out book about grief for young children. Its length and content is more suited for grade school-aged readers, and I would suggest that parents read it with their kids so that they can answer questions and help to stave off any standard fears and worries that could arise with this content.
As someone who has always loved sad books, this is a book that I would have loved to have read growing up because of its emotional factor. But it’s even more appealing to young readers who may have recently lost a loved one, particularly a parent.
We can’t shy children away from death because we have no control over when death will affect them. We also can’t keep them from worrying about it once they are aware of it. But we can make them aware that it’s okay to feel every emotion and that they will see the adults in their lives going through those same emotions. And doing so will get us through the grieving process and on with the rest of our lives, always missing those who are gone but also able to accept it and to find comfort in our memories and in the ways that we memorialize them.
About the author and book
Ta’Shay Mason author links
Book title: But i don’t want to say GOODBYE!
Genres: Children’s Fiction, Death and Dying
Book summary
The death of a loved one is never easy to understand, let alone speak about. But for a little girl whose father has just died, the hardest thing is figuring out how to say goodbye. As Mommy makes funeral arrangements and tries to figure out the best way to say goodbye to a man who was loved by many, the little girl must find her own way to come to peace with her father’s death. As the funeral gets closer, will she find a way to say goodbye?
Book excerpt
“Mommy tells me that the way we say goodbye is by having a funeral. She says a funeral is a ceremony honoring someone who has died by celebrating their life. I don’t understand what there is to celebrate. Daddy is gone. That doesn’t make me happy. It makes me want to cry.”
Review excerpt
“But i don’t want to say GOODBYE is a well-written, beautifully illustrated story that honestly deals with the sadness of the death of a loved one. My eyes teared up a few times as I read through the book. The artwork shows the happy and sad feelings of the characters as they remember Daddy.” – J. Widner (Reedsy Discovery)
Talking Shop
What do you want readers to take away from your books?
I want readers take away from my book that it is ok to grieve a loved one who has passed, it is ok to share those feelings, and there are creative ways to remember loved ones who have died.
Name a fact or detail about your story that readers will never know is there.
The little girl in the story is me. Although the story itself is fiction, my father died when I was nine years old, and some of the feelings I felt during that time is shared in the book.
What’s the best review/compliment that you’ve received about your book?
The best compliment I received about my book is that my book has helped people discuss with their children about death and grief and has helped children process their grief.
How long did it take to write your book from the day you got the idea to write it to the day you published it?
It took me three years from the idea to writing and to publish it. When the idea first come to mind, I wasn’t sure if I should write it. I went back and forth for a while and then decided to start writing in January 2020.
What is the most fun part about writing? The most difficult?
The most fun part about writing is creating stories. The most difficult is being vulnerable. I had to open myself up to be vulnerable to write this book and I’m glad I did.
“What If” Scenarios
If you could have one person that you admire, living or dead, read your book, who would it be?
Michelle Obama
A wealthy reader buys 100 copies of your book and tells you to hand them out to anyone you wish. Who do you give them to?
I would give them to families in grief counseling, families who have loved ones in hospice, and funeral homes to give to grieving families. I know it is only 100 copies; however these are the kind of families I would want to have my book first.
Your book becomes a best seller. What do you do next?
Write another book.
Would you rather own your own bookstore or your own publishing house, and what would you sell or publish?
I would like to own my own publishing house and bookstore. I want inspirational books from children to adult to publish and sell.
Your story gets picked up by a streaming service to make into a series. What service would you want it to be, and would you want them to follow your story closely, or would you rather see what directions they take it in?
I would want Amazon to pick up my series. I would like Amazon to see what direction they would take the story in as well as follow my story closely.
Just for Fun
What legacy do you want to leave behind?
Never be afraid to try something new and never be afraid to try something else if things to do not work out the way you plan. Also to not focus on falling down; focus on getting up and moving forward.
One bucket list item you’ve completed and one that’s still on your list.
Since I cannot run anymore (due to back surgery), I walked a half marathon which was on my bucket list. The next thing is to walk a full marathon.
A movie or a piece of music that changed your life.
The movie The Shack with Octavia Spencer and Tim McGraw changed my life. It helped me work on forgiving not just others but myself and work on not judging others and myself.
Favorite time of/part of your day.
My favorite part of the day is the morning. This is when I get my best ideas, get a lot of things done, and I am ready to take on the world.
Favorite place you’ve visited/place you want to visit.
Favorite place I visited was Sarasota, FL (I lived there for two years. Beautiful place!). A place I would want to visit is Hawaii.
Buy it!
Buy a copy of but I don’t want to say GOODBYE! here and help support local bookstores! This is an affiliate link, and I will earn a commission on any sales.
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