When we think of eating disorders, it’s natural to think of restrictive eating habits, particularly those that prevent weight gain. As a result, we’re quick to encourage people, especially women, to eat what they want, when they want. Unfortunately, overeating can be just as much of a psychological symptom that manifests as a coping mechanism for underlying issues. Author Ronni Robinson confronted her own issues with overeating which resulted from underlying psychological demons which she chronicles in her memoir, Out of the Pantry: A Disordered Eating Journey.
Out of the Pantry plot summary
Ronni Robinson recounts her life story, specifically her relationship to food and how the eating habits she developed as a child led to a lifetime of secretive overeating to deal with her emotions. Born in Philadelphia, Robinson grew up in Cherry Hill, NJ with her parents and older brother. From an early age she felt emotionally neglected by her mom, fearful of her verbally abusive dad, and distant from her brother.
Her comfort activity was eating. Often home alone after school, she took to eating whatever junk food she could find around the house. As she grew up, Ronni began to use her pocket money to buy snacks. She later graduated to entire meals which she would eat in her car to escape her problems or celebrate her victories. As a result, her weight fluctuated throughout her life.
Her first serious relationship was with a younger boy named Michael. While the perfect snacking buddy, he was also controlling and often verbally, if not physically violent. This tumultuous relationship led to even more binge eating.
Upon meeting her husband, Efrem, Ronni began to hide her binges from him, sneaking food from dessert table spreads at parties, stopping by convenience stores while out alone, and hiding empty wrappers, and even digging through the trash for uneaten scraps. It’s not until she overhears a segment about overeating on TV one day that she realizes she has a problem and finally seeks the treatment she needs to battle, and, ultimately recover, from her addiction and disorder.
Seeing myself in someone else’s story
Out of the Pantry is a short but captivating page-turner that details the author’s lifelong struggle with food. As a lifelong dieter, I found myself relating to many of her rituals and habits.
The way she “plays” with her food, describing how she would bite off the engraved letters of a chocolate bar one at a time or separate colorful candies and eat them in a particular order really resonated with me. Though not technically a sweets person, I could also identify with that magnetic pull that a dessert table at parties has, where you can’t think of anything but the variety of foods at your disposal and gorging way past feeling stuffed. At the same time, you only take a little at a time, looking for excuses to circle back to the table and making sure the same people don’t see you taking each helping.
Most of all, though, is the refusal to allow yourself to be hungry. Justifying your constant snacking in order to suppress a growling stomach is an argument I win against myself regularly. But in the end, it leads to a lot of unnecessary eating, and in Robinson’s case, fed her addiction further.
Describing an addiction
What didn’t resonate with me, but still found fascinating, was her secretive nature when it came to binging. Everything from the sneaky way that she would steal packages of Lance’s snacks from her father’s work truck to the subtle way she would scarf fast food fries at work were intricately planned and executed.
Overeating is an addiction, and Ronni’s story helps to confirm that label. Like an addict, though, she felt shame after a binge and mentally berated herself to stop her behavior. But not having the language or the education to understand her disorder made it very difficult to battle it. Her successful attempts at self-control were always short-lived because a celebration or crisis always called her back to food.
What’s interesting about her story is that two-thirds of the book pass before she discovers that she has an eating disorder. The bulk of the story she tells is a recollection of behaviors and moments that she recounts in hindsight. However, as a recovered overeater, she still easily returns to the obsessive mindset, extreme rituals, and underlying shame with ease and clarity in her writing.
Her descriptions of food in the first two-thirds of the book are intense and mouthwatering. She spends a great deal of time chronicling specific binges and conversations to clearly illustrate how deep her obsession became. It becomes repetitive but in a welcoming way. And because of these moments, you root for her recovery even more.
A complete lifestyle change
Many stories about overcoming addiction include forming a new relationship with one’s health. Recovered addicts spend their time focused on healthy habits. It fills the gap of deprivation with something more productive. Robinson is no different. However, she also stresses the fact that, like drug or alcohol use, relapse is always imminent.
She chronicles her slight slip ups while in recovery. Yet she proudly boasts of her newfound willpower to maintain her eating sobriety. Eating disorders are an extra tricky addiction because you cannot totally abstain from food. Her methods for recovery are always questioned. She stresses that there is no one way to beat an overeating disorder. What helps is learning about her journey and understanding where she is coming from with her reasons for becoming an overeater and her methods for fighting it.
Ronni Robinson has inspired me to begin to take my eating habits more seriously. Reading this book, while it includes many tempting food descriptions, works effectively as a cautionary tale. It teaches us to not always reach for food as a reward or comfort. We have to be aware of our habits and take action instead of berating ourselves when we fall into patterns of binging and gorging.
Eating shouldn’t be a hidden, shameful activity if we’re eating right. We have to learn to let go of the pizza crusts that are thrown in the trash. One piece of cake at a birthday party is enough. Making excuses for why you’re hovering around a dessert table shouldn’t be planned in advance.
Robinson gives us the warning signs to recognize when our behavior goes from the occasional pig out to an out-of-control lifestyle. She also gives us hope that we can find the balance we need to have a safe, yet satisfying, relationship with food.
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Great review. Thanks for sharing your story as well.
Thanks for reading!